The Laziest Player I Ever Did See

by ed riley copyright 2002

I know the absolute laziest player that has ever walked the planet. This guy learned to make every layup he attempted. Why? He heard that his high school coach made you run laps for every layup you missed in practice or in a game.

This guy learned how to play defense and was great at stealing the ball. Why? Because he figured if he could steal the ball, he wouldn't have to chase his player all over the court. He figured that was just too much running.

This guy learned to block out. Why? Because he figured if he or his team got the rebound, he wouldn't have to play defense and chase his player all over the gym again!

This guy was the personification of Team Spirit. He was the best at encouraging his team to play a great 5 second D against the other team when they inbounded the ball. Why? He figured if the other team couldn't throw the ball inbounds within 5 seconds, then his team got the the ball. Then he wouldn't have to chase his player all over the gym playing defense.

This guy made sure he went to the freethrow line as much as he could every game. He became a specialist at getting fouled. Why? So he could rest at the freethrow line while shooting freethrows.

This guy paid attention to the coach during practice and during the games. Why? He heard that if the coach didn't like you, he would make you do suicides or do pushups. He was too lazy to want to do either of these, just didn't make sense to him to run that much, if you didn't have to.

When it came time to pick a career, he was stumped. How could he make lots of money without having to work very hard, and retire early? He puzzled over this for weeks.

Finally he figured he would play in the NBA.

You knew you didn't have to play much defense in the NBA.

He kept hearing that you could walk more in the NBA than you could in high school or college. He liked walking raher than running.

He knew that if you were good enough, no coach would make an NBA player run suicides.

He already knew what he had to do to be lazy playing basketball.

And he knew he could make a gazillion dollars being lazy in the NBA.

So he perfected his lazy basketball techniques in college and made 1st round All American, and was drafter 1st round in the NBA draft.

Whatever happened to him? Well, he was so lazy that he figured out that if he was a great NBA player, he could retire even earlier than most NBA players. So he retired at age 30 and he is now a member of the NBA Hall of Fame.

I swear he was the laziest player I ever did see!